We’re a doing family. We like to act. We like to go, we like to be there. Sitting still isn’t any fun. Waiting makes us antsy. We’d rather play than spectate.
But we don’t always get to choose whether to watch or to jump in, whether to be there or . . . not.
And that’s a little painful. Being on the bench, watching how things play out, waiting our turn, hoping it’s soon but knowing that other people need their turn on the court – it’s hard.
This week I feel like I’m sitting on the sidelines of an important game and having to stop myself from jumping in. Yep, I’ve been benched. And I’m waiting to see if all my previous efforts – well intentioned, but possibly wrong-headed – can be salvaged and built upon. My fingers are crossed that they don’t have to be scrapped altogether.
And as I watch, waiting to see which way the game goes, I try to channel all that nervous energy by going, doing, going, doing as much as I can, in the best way I know how. Which meant a 5-mile run in this morning’s unseasonable heat. It meant biking over the Manhattan Bridge 8 times in 3 days. It meant feeling the burn in my legs and hoping that all that physical effort will somehow make up for the emotional spectating I’ve been doing.
And even if it hurts, I’ll keep doing it as long as I need to – until I get another chance play.