Love and Self

There are a lot of things I don’t like about myself – from the shape of my face to the width of my feet. When I married Micah I hoped that our kids would be miniatures of him because, well, he’s got nice legs and is much wittier and personable than I am.

Manchild is, in so many ways, a mini-me. Sometimes I ache knowing that I passed along some of those things that I don’t love to someone I love so much. I wonder how he’ll deal with them – if my insecurities will be his insecurities, or if he will even notice. And I wonder, and worry about, how I’ll deal with those traits in him as well.

However, there has been an unexpected upside to seeing my “flaws” in my children: I don’t see them as flaws as much. At least in them. Where I have seen weakness or weirdness or unattractiveness in me, I see normalcy in them. I see strength, endearing quirkiness, beauty. Those traits are some of the traits I find most intriguing in them, that I am most proud of.

It’s a surreal change in perspective, to see myself walking around in someone else’s body. And it’s a gift to have that person be someone I love so fiercely and unconditionally. Because even if I’m not quite able to embrace those traits in myself whole-heartedly, at least I can begin to admit that they’re really not all that bad.

How do you feel about seeing yourself in your kids? Did you hope they were more like you or more like your spouse?

my minis

#loveinreallife

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2 Comments

  1. My son’s personality is largely mine…and…well, we’ll see. Certain quirks worry me, though. For instance, I have a bizarre hatred for spit. And, I’ve already noticed R wiping off kisses and FREAKING if the dog licks him. Wish he hadn’t picked up on that phobia.

    [Reply]

    lizzie Reply:

    So interesting, Katy. At least if it gets to be a problem for him, he can blame it on you! 🙂

    [Reply]

  2. I’ve thought a lot about this lately. Anna, along with her great empathy and occasionally irritating rule-following, is also wickedly emotional. I’ve had so many struggles in recent years with anxiety, depression, and overwhelming emotions that I really worry about her, especially since I’m still trying to figure out how to deal with it myself, let alone help her know what to do.

    [Reply]

    lizzie Reply:

    I totally hear you on this. I like to think that because I have gone through it, I might be able to offer exactly what they need to get through difficult times, but then I also fear that I might be “too close to the situation” and be useless.

    [Reply]

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