Savoring

Michael Phelps says this is his last Olympics. It seems like no one believes him. But I’m glad he’s telling himself that anyway. I’m glad he’s focused on savoring the games, that he’s taking the time to hear the cheers and to be touched by the amazing experience he is having.

I’m no world class swimmer. I’m not the greatest Olympian ever. I do not have a chiseled body. And I certainly don’t have millions of fans and admirers. But I feel like I can relate, in a small way, to Phelps’ situation.

Because maybe, just maybe, this will be my last baby. Maybe this will be the last time I get to cuddle with someone so tiny, so helpless, so dependent on me and me alone. Maybe I’ll never wake up with a start to go check on another baby, wondering why she hasn’t needed me to feed her yet.

And if this is my last baby, I should savor the experience. I should be here in the moment. I should notice the way she kicks and coos. I should let her be her little tiny self, and not wish her to be faster, higher, or stronger. I will, of course, look forward to getting to know her better as she grows, but I should take the time to get to know her right now, too.

Of course, she may not be my last baby. But in case she is, I want to know that I’ve absorbed the experience into my bones, into my brain, into my heart,┬áinto my being.

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2 Comments

  1. Cagesjamtoo (aka Sam)

    August 7th, 2012 at 7:42 am

    I do have my last baby and have been savoring every bit of his babiness. Although he is trying to jump out of babyhood as fast as he can. He is so tall and trying to walk before one which none of my others have done. He just has do much to catch up too.

    [Reply]

    lizzie Reply:

    Lots of catching up, indeed! Does it feel good to know that he’s the last?

    [Reply]

  2. i’ve been thinking about this a lot lately, though we don’t feel this is OUR last baby, I’ve been thinking about what it WILL feel like, when it is. right now i know my future holds at least one more baby and maybe one more after that, but then? what will it feel like to think of your future with no more babies? with babies and toddlers and preschool and grade school kids who just keep getting bigger and bigger and bigger?! before having kids i could always imagine myself with them, with a baby and a toddler, but school kids? even still it’s hard to imagine myself the mom of older kids. i think because that would mean i’m “old”. and thus far, i don’t feel old. but it isn’t that far away.

    [Reply]

    lizzie Reply:

    I agree. I’ve never really imagined being a mom of school-aged kid . . . but in two weeks, that is exactly what I’ll be. And I think you are right, a lot of it is because then that means I’m “old” and have to go to parent-teacher conferences and all of that, which is not something I feel like someone my age should be old enough to do. I’ll probably always feel that I’m too young for whatever it is I’m supposed to be doing, but that’s my own fault.

    And as far as what it will be like to have no more babies . . . I just hope that when that time comes, I KNOW that I’m done. And I don’t have any regrets. I think it would be really hard to look back on my life and think, “I could have had another. I wish we’d had another.”

    [Reply]

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