I’m not one for online quizzes or magazine quizzes or pop quizzes or quizzes of any kind, really. But I am one for improving relationships, encouraging new things, and trying to be a better person, so I ate this quiz right up. It’s a way to measure the sustainability of your marriage by getting you to think about the ways you’ve changed by being married to your spouse. Are you a better person? Are you more accomplished? More confident? More involved? I’m not going to tell you my score, because I actually didn’t keep it, but if you read last week’s post, you’ll know that being married to Micah has expanded my horizons immensely. I hope I’m able to do the same for him.
The article that goes along with the quiz is titled “The Happy Marriage is the ‘Me’ Marriage.” I’m not such a fan of that title. I know it probably sucks people in so that they actually click on the link, but I think it implies that you are in it for yourself and if your spouse doesn’t make you a better person, it is somehow their fault. It would be more aptly titled “The Happy Marriage is the ‘We’ Marriage” because couples in a “sustainable” marriage — in which both partners are expanding their abilities and experiences — tend to grow together in a way that makes it difficult, sometimes, to differentiate between themselves and their spouse. I may say that “we” are problem-solvers, but really Micah is a problem-solver. I’m learning to be by being married to him, but it is more his trait than mine. Or he may say that “we” have good endurance, but that is because I’ve forgotten how to stop and I’m pulling him along for the ride.
Every couple has their “me” things and their “we” things. I like to write things down. He likes to build things. We like to run. Obviously. Some of the “we” things surprise me — like hosting parties, since neither of us really like to hang out with big groups of people. Others are universal (or nearly so), like sitting down and talking together over a delicious meal we’ve prepared. And then there are the things I like that I wish would rub off on Micah (but I don’t see him coming to yoga with me any time soon), and vice versa. I’m not going to say that there’s anything that will never become a “we” thing, because we’ve got a lot of time to mesh and meld and become the same person. I’m holding out for ballroom dancing, but we may no longer be able to walk by the time Micah’s ready to put it on the “we” side of the list (it’ll probably be a few decades before I can put it on the “me” side, anyway).
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